Shitting sparkles

It’s day 37 of house arrest We worked hard yesterday on favors, welcome bags, centerpieces, and programs. I excitedly sat down with a Yeungling (yes, New Englanders, I AM showing off) and began embossing programs. Ever emboss anything before? It requires sparkles and a mini blow dryer sort of thing. 

So I embossed. And then I embossed some more. I wore a diaper so that I wouldn’t have to leave my station. It was hard work. I bitched incessantly. I smiled as I worked. I may have gotten slap happy and burst into song from time to time. When I was old and grey, I emerged we were done, it was late! When my chains were removed I got up, I recognized the extent of my destruction with sparkles. They. Were. Everywhere. The bride’s forehead. Her sister’s cheek. The other bridesmaid’s forearm. And my entire body. I cleaned as best I could and put that outfit in a plastic bag away from my other worldly possessions. But I know I’ll be shitting sparkles for months to come.

Now off to the rehearsal dinner!