Monday, July 21, 2014

Tidal bor-ing

First I want to give a shout out to my new friends Jodi and Ian from Vancouver. They made breakfast way more fun at the inn. Glad to see you made it to Hopewell Rocks. Holla!

Unfortunately this was my last day in Mahone Bay. And in the last moments of taking in the view of the bay, the devil's hand puppets decided to close in.

That's right--run away, you little buckwheat-crying bastard.

First stop today was slightly inland. Ross Farm is, yup, you guessed it, a living history museum. I'm nothing if not consistent, right?

And I don't know about you, but for me nothing screams 19th century living like the roar of a lawn mower.

Kid, you're  not fooling anyone. You definitely didn't take a sickle to the grass.
I was standing here when a little girl walked over slowly and softly said to herself, "Sheepies..." Kid after my own heart.

It was right about here when a different little girl started talking. "I come here all the time." I looked both ways and realized she was talking to me. Being so awesome with kids, I said something brilliant like, "Oh yeah?" Then I heard a voice coming up behind.

Woman: You don't have sunglasses on!
Girl: Yes, I do.
Woman: You do. But she doesn't.
(I turn slowly to see this fidgety, skinny, older lady, the girl's grandmother, tromping through tall grass to get to me more quickly [and probably picking up 40 ticks along the way])
Woman: You should wear sunglasses. It's important for your health.
Me (It's immediately clear I'm not going to escape crazy, so I'll just engage): Me? It's a funny story--I was here 12 years ago and my sunglasses fell into the pigs' pen. So now I just wear my trusty sun hat (pats hat, which sits firmly on head blocking out sun).
Woman: You may be too young to remember, but the sun used to be yellow (what the fuck?). It's not anymore. (She looks up at the sun for a second more than I think she should.) It's white now. White blue. There is a new UV light on us, and it's causing blindness and no one wants you to know. (Except her, clearly.)
Me: Yeah?
(I've noticed at this time that the little girl has wandered off. It must be tough knowing your grandmother is batshit crazy at such a young age. I was much older when that truth hit.)
Woman: words words words UV light that will penetrate clothing (begins to jab at her leg to show me how the new UV light will hurt) words words the weatherman tried to tell us, and then he was FIRED. (I can feel a drop of sweat roll down the small of my back. Funny that she doesn't get the irony of trapping me in an open field to talk about UV danger--and it's no use trying to point it out. She clearly has no sense of humor.)  words words words . . . but don't listen to ME. Google it. Google Charlie (something) plus weather. FIRED. And now I see all these children here without sunglasses and it breaks my heart. (Starts to walk away.) Google it!
Me: Will do.

Incidentally, if this is true, I'd love to hear a rational explanation. Her approach didn't suit me.

Life goes on.

The damn animals wouldn't stand still for pics, so here's the inside of the barn.

Hot sheepies

Piggies staying cool in the mud. And they have eyelashes for days...

He was hiding and scared the shit out of me. Well played, rooster. Well played.

There were about 15 women in full garb sweating their lady balls off inside. I didn't last long.

My reaction to seeing this horror show.
And he didn't even hold her afterward.

Well, no ocean smell, scarred by pig fucking in broad daylight with kids around, and then stuck behind a tractor forever. I'm officially leaving the eastern shore of Nova Scotia and entering the western farmland.
This guy was driving to Manitoba, I swear. I stopped 14 times to take stupid pictures and every time ended up right back behind him.

So this is my "free" night. No reservations, no plans, still blinded by what I've seen and considering sunglasses. I decide to play it safe and just hunker down in a small town. I pick Windsor, the birthplace of hockey.

I love info centers in Nova Scotia. Are all info centers just as awesome and I never have a need to enter? Either way, the wifi allows me to catch up on super important facebook feeds, the people running it are enthusiastic, and while I couldn't find any accommodations online, they were able to hook me up quickly. "It looks rough outside, but it's very clean. And they never fill up, so if you drive over right now, you'll have no problem." So I drove right over to the Bates Motel lovely roadside motel they recommended and treated myself to a king-size bed for $80 can. Booyah.

I admit it is clean, and these poor people are trying. But they're missing the mark on a few things. And why am I the only one here?

I decided to go back to the center of town to check out the situation.

This is something important. The oldest something in someplace. Sorry. It's been a long day.

This is an action shot to show you that pumpkins are important here. Beneath the tree to the right were all of the town's malcontents swearing more than I do. Frankly, that was scary. No one should swear more than I do.

I'm now going to be along the Fundy Bay for a few days. World's largest tides. I love this shit. And I know that no one else cares. I'm still going to show you pictures of it. My blog, my rules.

Do you see how far out the water goes? It's awesome. And I believe that ridge in the distance is Blomidon. I'll take you there in a day or so.

Okay, so the tidal bore. Essentially it's the filling back up of the bay. The whole bay and all its rivers fill up like a bath tub. And it starts with this one wave that comes in from the ocean and just keeps rolling through. It's a pretty awesome thing when you think about the size of Fundy Bay filling back up. And all the brochures show people rafting the tidal bore and holding on for dear life.

This is not what I witnessed. In Avondale (I think that's the town), you can pull up a driveway and park behind a guy's house and watch the show for a small donation. The view was awesome. This will be EPIC, I thought to myself.
Look at all the empty bay just waiting to be deluged by the tidal bore.

But the reality is this.

It's just a small wave that comes in and fills up the bay. So, it's neat, but not exciting, per se. No holding on for dear life here. That must be elsewhere in Fundy Bay.

The info center ladies said I could see the tidal bore come in from the guy's back yard and then ride down the road and see it come down the river. The first show was so breathtaking, I figured I'd get my fanny to the river. And at the river, there were three couples--one from North Carolina and two from this town. The couples from this town are 70+ and have never seen this before. BECAUSE IT'S BORING. But they were super friendly and we all chatted.


Here it comes!

Don't blink!

At least the view is beautiful.

I am flip, but in jest. The tidal bore was interesting, and I'm glad I saw it. I liked hearing it rush in. You could really hear the water surge. But it wasn't mind blowing. I still love the Fundy tides though.

I heart you, Canada. Even when you're not stunning, but merely human.

And you sell the sexiest gum I've ever had the good fortune to chew. Meow

HOURS later, and I'm still the only one at this motel.

I'm pretty sure I'll be fine here tonight. No problem. 

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