Guys and Dolls

As is now custom on the 4th of July, I headed to Maine to hang with the Jennessesssessess et al. Sam and Leah are soon retiring their lives as hipsters in Brooklyn and headed west to Seattle. And while I'm sad that two of my pals are no longer going to be one death-defying Fung Wah trip away, I'm gonna wait until they're juuuust settled in Seattle and then pounce. Me and about 783 of their other friends.

For you out-of-towners, this is the sign oft-quoted during any sarcastic situation in Maine:

And Maine is a beautiful state. But the view is repetitive. I've nodded off many times driving on 95. Fortunately, kPod and my masterful singing voice got me to exit 63.

Dan and Matt hang lakeside. Matt, love, I just met you, but you're the most adorable thing. My crush officially began when you started singing a modified version of Safety Dance. Danny, I think you've met your match.

Justin teaches Leah how one relieves oneself in Asia. Aw, just kidding. Good luck in China, Justin. I respect what you're doing; I am too much of a selfish bitch to go without things like flush toilets, forks, and democracy. 

In the typical fashion of a rock star, I was only able to make a one-day appearance. Because, seriously, after the bottles of prosecco are empty, girl's gotta make an Irish goodbye and head for the nearest dirt road out of town.

The ride home through Maine looked something like this:

Don't hit the moose!

***

On Sunday, my cousin Bethany got married in downtown Newburyport. She ran a little late for the ceremony, and the menfolk made conversation with the JP and . . .

Wait! Who brought on the class?

It's not even a bottle! What is she marrying into?? Incidentally, the JP didn't allow for any objections during the ceremony. He also brought out the koozie. I smell a cheap beer conspiracy.

Bethany was seriously glowing. She looked like a little doll. Beautiful.

Michael, she's all yours, guy. Be good to her. Or we'll kick your ass.

I can't believe they managed to get all the nieces and nephews to sit still long enough for a picture. Holy shit.

Bethany, with her dad looking on. 

With sisters Erin and Nicole, riiiight before they picked her up and tried to toss her in the air. Having spent a lot of time with them growing up, I had a momentary childhood terror flashback.

The view of downtown Newburyport from the honeymoon suite. Nicole and I went to gather up her things and ended up chillin on the sweet deck, drinking a beer and laughing. Wouldn't you? Aaaand we were caught by the newlyweds. Yup, classy.